Tuesday, November 2, 2010


"What does Woodstock have to do with breakfast?" asked Sherman.

"400,000 people. Predicted attendance vastly underestimated. Complete breakdown of onsite food vending. Yet the sun still rises in the morning. Stomachs rumble. Rumbling for ..." Good Doctor Peabody paused, waiting for Sherman to finish the sentence.

"Uh... breakfast?"

"Correct! People feeding each other! Breakfast being served by the Hog Farm Collective! Breakfast which defines a generation! At least on TV! I give you ... GRANOLA!"

"Um, you don't actually have any granola to give."

"We're not there yet, are we? I need to press the Big Red Button ..."

"I'll press it Good Doctor Peabody!"

"Sherman, you will not! What if something goes wrong? Last second adjustments needed! That sort of thing. Besides, Sherman..." Peabody's voice cracked. "It's my button. Don't take my button away. Please?"

The awkward silence that followed was broken when Peabody did indeed press the  Big Red Button. The world shimmered. Sherman felt like his stomach had been turned inside out. Then everything was back to ordinary.

"I give you ... Woodstock!" A viewport opened in the wall, revealing a vast swath of hungry humanity ... and a line of blue enclosures.

"A porta potty," Sherman sneered. "Your oh-so-wondrous sentient machine has camouflaged itself as a porta potty."

"Well yes, sentience does not always imply good fashion sense. But we're here! First we examine a preliminary recipe, then collect samples to analyze pseudoscientifically ... Ah, CHESTT is ahead of the game. Here's that recipe printout ..."

adapted from 'All-Protein Crunchy Granola' Recipes for a Small Planet (1973)
makes 12 cups

1/2 to 3/4 cup maple syrup
1/2 cup oil
1 Tbsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 cup sesame seeds
1 cup soy grits
1 cup wheat germ
2 cups grated unsweetened coconut
7 cups rolled oats

Heat the syrup, oil and vanilla in a dutch oven until very thin.
Take of the heat and mix in the remaining ingredients in order given. Try to coat as thoroughly as possible.
Place the dutch oven in a 350 degree oven and toast the granola lightly. The mixture will begin to toast after about 15 minutes. Stir mixture every 5 - 10 minutes after it begins to toast. Allow to cool before placing in containers.

"Uh ... Doctor."

"Now Sherman we've discussed this. I would really appreciate it if ..." What Peabody saw as he turned around kept him from finishing.

A man was standing next to Sherman. An unkempt, long haired, dull-eyed man. Standing.

The man spoke.

"Far out!"


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